RMV

short stories from an extraordinary ordinary life after abortion

It was such a long overdue errand. A Massachusetts inspection sticker long past expiration. The kind of to-do you carry around like a weighted vest. Strengthening the procrastination muscle and expanding your capacity to hold and work around anxiety. Some things we get good at are not good for us.

I walked to a friend’s house to borrow her car; it was what made the errand possible in a roundabout complicated way. The walk was an inconvenience, but a pleasure. Bright blue sky, blooming spring colors, the sounds of nature, all reminding me that the least important thing in the world is an overdue inspection sticker. 

Each day as we wrestle with bills, shaking our heads in disappointment at how we landed here, I cannot help but feel the richness of this life. There is no place I’d rather be than in these gorgeous green hills, surrounded by the comfort of people who care.

We chose abortion 7 years ago in many ways to avoid this exact position we are in. We knew that a fourth child would be too much financial pressure. The years after felt promising, like we were moving in the direction of freedom. These days I wonder if we will live our whole lives searching for the relief that is filling a gas tank on cash not credit. 

And still, with all the weight, I am happier than I have ever been. I wasn’t wrong about choosing abortion. I was wrong about achieving financial freedom as a way to mark the worthiness of the decision. 

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